The biggest communication problem is that we listen to reply not to understand. We truly listen to reply!
Do you believe you are really a good listener and do others agree?
If you do not have that reputation, it is not your fault. Your brain is designed to predict what other people will say next. You are often so busy listening to your brain’s plotting and planning that you can not hear what the other person is saying.
A study conducted at Princeton University found that speaker-listener neural coupling underlies flourishing communication. If that was so much Greek to you, let is state it more simply. When your brain starts acting like your conversational companion’s brain, you communicate. You will not be surprised to hear that the study found there is generally a lag between what you hear and what you understand, and this is where we get into trouble. Amid that lag, we start predicting and supposing and guessing. Too often, we are still caught up in our reverie as our conversation partner continues talking. The good doctors at Princeton would assert that our brain activities decouple at that point. That as a result comprehension starts to plummet. This is the scientist’s way of saying, “You are not listening.”
Training Your Pet Brain
The good news is that your brain works for you. Rather than letting it just do what it is programmed to do automatically, you can practice it to do new tasks. The brain is the best pet that you could ever hope for – it can be taught all kinds of tricks. Also, it loves to please its master. The method of teaching your pet brain is concentration. Many folks find the concentration to be taxing but that is because they approach it in the wrong way. While you can make yourself concentrate, you will tire out sooner or later and your brain will go back on autopilot. The result will be neural decoupling-that is, your brain will ramble off on its own.
Concentration is better approached passively rather than actively. Do not make yourself concentrate. Also, you should allow yourself to concentrate. Just hear what is said, observe the nonverbal signs like facial expressions and the body language, absorb the tone and the pace of their speech. If you find you are distracted by other stimuli or by your thoughts, be gentle with yourself. Just guide yourself back to hearing with no self-judgment. You have to recognize that self-judgment itself is just another distracting thought. You will also find with practice that these wanderings become less frequent.
When you first attempt this, you will notice that you respond less quickly in the conversation. People may not be used to you being this contemplative, so you should give them the chance to get used to it. Your responses will also be more in tune with them, and everyone likes “in tune” better than “out of tune”. In short, they will feel heard by you as they have never felt it before.
Brain Pattern Alignment
If you do this, something fascinating happens, according to the doctors at Princeton. They did fMRI brain scans of the participants in their study and found that people’s brain wave patterns started to align as people listened. Not only did the lag between hearing and understanding vanish but the listeners also started to consider what the other person was about to say before they said it. This is not the same as your autopilot guesses; instead, what they found in your brain pattern starts to match that of your partner in real-time. When that happens, a strong connection happens, understanding deepens between you, and real communication takes place.
When you as the listener find yourself in the same state at the speaker,you tend to move in tandem. People take a real charge out of being understood. So, it is very much worth your effort to seek such an arrangement. There is the practical advantage of receiving information as its imparter meant it to be received. Additionally, there is also an emotional contact that occurs. Even in insignificant business or transactional settings, there is value to such emotional contact as it fosters trust and comfort. As a result, people believe in your sincerity and genuineness, which promotes relations and diminishes conflict.
Your brain may not be so good at listening but that does not mean you can not be. Let it know who the boss is, and also earn the reputation of being a great listener.
Do Not Forget Your Free Guide Before You Go
I do not want you to miss this valuable guide that can help you get over any challenges you are facing.
You do have the capability to get through your tight times. Sometimes you just need a motivation boost like this.
How do I truly Listen? The secret behind active listening is to be the first person to ask about them, what they do and show true interest in what the person has to say. These ways you listen with an open mind and take in as much of what they have to say as possible. Ask like the following questions: – What do you do? – What does your company do? – What did you do before you joined this business? – How have you found this change? – How is the company going? – What are some of the biggest issues which you have faced?
By asking open questions like this, you achieve invaluable knowledge. By the time you also have all of the information that you would like, they will ask you what you do or who you work for. Take a deep breath and this will give you time to express and answer which is structured around their needs or their client’s needs. By doing this type of listening you are on your way to help improve your knowledge, enhance your potential for success and obtain some very powerful alliances and friends along the way. Also, you will truly listen!