Giving a good compliment is amazing positivity help! But compliments are not only good for the recipients, but they’re also good for the people who give them as well. When you go out of your way to say something nice and give thoughtful praise to another person, it increases your self-confidence and nourishes yourself-esteem. How to give compliments?

Why Give Compliments?

A wide range of research has been done on the effects of giving compliments.Studieshave found that complimenting someone’s performance helps the brain remember the skills better. And people who are recognized for their efforts receive a boost inserotonin, which increases self-esteem, confidence, and a sense of purpose. This reinforces the behavior and further improves future performance. People complimented feel valued, appreciated, and more positive.

All these great vibes help the person being complimented, but how does this can help you, the complimenter? Firstly, by deciding to compliment more often, you should begin to develop the habit of looking for positive things, which in the long-run makes you happier. Yourrelationshipsimprove with the people you compliment, increasing a bond of trust between you. And genuine relationships make work a lot easier. Eventually, happier employees, or family members for that matter, make everyone around them feel better. And if you are a boss who is known to recognize those around you, employees can all work harder to gain your appreciation.

So, there are several important motivations for cultivating a habit of complimenting people. But it must be done right.

Start paying attention

The first step of becoming a master complimenter is realizing opportunities to offer praise. To overcome our negative and egocentric biases, we need to provide our inner Sherlock Holmes by observing more frequently and more keenly.Be fully presentwhen interacting with others and you will easily find lots of things to compliment them on.

Compliment the small stuff

You don’t need to wait around for some big achievement to offer a compliment to somebody. If it is something obvious, they have been complimented on it plenty of times before. So offer your admiration for the small stuff. What might seem trivial to you mean a lot to somebody else? Like somebody’s jacket? Impressed with someone’s handwriting? Tell them.

While small things make great fodder for compliments, just make sure they are connected to a worthwhile trait or talent. Complimenting someone’s jacket makes them feel good as it says they have good taste. Taking note of someone’s handwriting is complimenting them on their discipline and practice. So, “I love the way you eat peas.” or, “You pet your cat nice.” will win you bewildered looks rather than smiles.

Be specific

The more specific you can get the better. Specificity conveys sincerity. When you are specific with your compliment, it shows that you are paying attention to the person.

Furthermore, if your goal is to encourage positive change in an individual, the more specific you get with your compliment, the more likely the recipient will be to continue the positive behavior. Specificity helps them identify what they are doing right. For this reason, kids who grew up with parents who gave them a lot of general praise, “You are so smart!” or, “You are extremely special!” tend to feel lost in adulthood, as they haven’t learned to hone in on their talents and abilities.

Be sincere

Insincere compliments won’t win you any points. They will have the opposite effect. If a person knows you are lying, it will consume their trust in you and de-value your future compliments.

You compliment someone since you are trying to win them over or sell them something, but if those are theonlyreasons you are giving the compliment, the person will see right through you, and be repulsed rather than charmed. That might bepartof your motivation, but you have to truly admire the thing you call out for praise for it to come off sincerely.

Importance of sincerity will also prevent you from offering compliments too often – another practice that makes your praise seem phony.

Finally, compliments that aren’t connected to actual merit breed “learned helplessness” and passivity. When someone is rewarded and praised no matter what he does, he comes to see that positive attention is outside of his control and not contingent on good behavior or achievement. This drains his motivation to try and to challenge himself. This is important to keep in mindwhen you’re complimenting your kids.

Avoid the backhanded compliment

The backhanded compliment is not even a compliment, but rather an insult disguised as one. It could be a tool of the passive-aggressive person to express disdain without completely owning up to it. We have been subject to backhanded compliments one time or another.

“Your painting is surprisingly good.”
“I’m impressed you’ve held a job for more than 6 months.”
“You look pretty good considering your age.”

The best way to bypass backhanded compliments is to resist the urge to add any modifiers to the original compliment. If someone did a good job during a speech, you should say, “Great job on that speech!” and nothing more. If the person is not deserving of the praise, say nothing at all.

Explain how a person’s great qualities affect you

If you are thinking something to say when complimenting your friends, simply share how that person’s great qualities make a difference, however small, in your life – combine a compliment with appreciation. “Your smile brightens up my day!” “Your attention to specialty makes my job a whole lot easier.”

Vocalize your thoughts

I think part of the reason we are frequently stingy with the compliments is not that we don’t think nice thoughts or notice things we admire in others, but that we don’t leap putting those thoughts into words. We let the thought slip away unspoken. This usually happens in long-term relationships – you get so sufficient you stop vocalizing your affections. If your girl gets all gussied up for a night out, let her know how nice she looks, instead of just making her ask, “Well, how do I look?”

Compliment someone in front of others

A common compliment has extra weight as it shows the recipient that you are proud to be associated with them and you are not afraid to reveal your admiration to others.

Relay “second-hand compliments”

One of my favorite types of compliments to receive is what I call “second-hand compliments.” These are compliments that happen outside of the praised person’s earshot, but that you relay back to them later. “Hey James, I was talking to Andy the other day about your new partnership and he went on and on about how he’s never enjoyed working with someone as much as he does with you, and how much he appreciates the unique ideas you are bringing to the project.”

Non-present compliments are also those you offer about someone else when they’re not around. For instance, I was lately talking to my brother about running and working on the blog and I mentioned how I admire Kate’s tenacity and grit to finish an article on a tight deadline, even if it means staying up all night to do it. When I got home, I told her about that conversation, and she said it meant a lot.

Second-hand compliments are extra special as they tell the receiver that you think so highly of their worthy quality that you were talking to other people about it.

Don’t delay!

If you notice something to compliment someone about, do it as soon as you can. If you have to wait too long, you will forget. It occurs to me all the time. For example, last Sunday, a young man gave a really impressive talk. He was articulate, engaging, and insightful. I thought to myself, “I should tell that kid I enjoyed his talk,” but when the meeting was over, I got busy conversing with someone else, and I didn’t get a chance to offer my compliment.

The Compliment Challenge

For the next week, you should challenge yourself to compliment five different people every day:

A loved one or friend.Compliments are an accessible way to strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones.
A co-worker.Be a confidence booster at your office by seeking opportunities to compliment your fellow employees.
A business you frequent.Most businesses just hear complaints all day. Very few people take the time to compliment them on great service or creating a quality product.
A young person.Young people need nurturing and one of the best ways to do that is through a thoughtful compliment from an older person. You have no idea how much it means to that kid.
A stranger.Make a random stranger’s day by offering a genuine compliment. It mustn’t be anything big. A simple, “I am interested in your hat,” will do.

Of course, the other half of compliments is knowing how togetthem. We may talk about that sometime too.

Work on becoming a man who’s got a warm heart and never shifts to offer an encouraging word to everyone he meets.